Why Snow White?

In some ways, this is a fairy tale. How many Hollywood hopefuls can say they made it? I can, but it certainly wasn’t the road I had any intention, education, or connections to travel down. 

My earliest memories are of performing for everyone except for my father. He seemed to think anyone else was more talented than I was. But I kept on going. My first professional job came when I turned eighteen; I would be Snow White. Our small theatrical company traveled America, and I was introduced to a country I hadn’t learned about in my school textbooks. These experiences began to change many of the beliefs I grew up with. Other truths would take many more years for me to face. 

My dreams of becoming a famous actress were dashed early on when a stubborn case of acne scarred my pretty little face. Scars weren’t allowed—at least for actresses. My parents chose not to get medical help for this—that created a different kind of scar. They didn’t mean to hurt me. They were just too busy trying to save themselves. 

A chance meeting led me behind the camera. Then the hard work began. Sometimes, I’d be the only woman on the set—it was a fight just to belong. But I had learned one thing as a child: how to fight. And fight I did. 

Every film or tv show I worked on became a family, functioning, non-functioning, or both simultaneously. Success—or failure—depended on how I fit in. Sometimes I did, and other times not so much. Often, I misjudged power and control: who had it, who wanted it, and what they might do to get it or keep it. 

My rise to director took years, but the fall took only months. Surely, I knew better than to keep poking the bear. I have been compared to a terrier with a bone—not giving in and not letting go. Always trying too hard to prove I belonged. But it was always one person and his power and control I was wrestling with. My father. How had his drama shaped me? Could I learn to escape the echoes of my childhood world and embrace it simultaneously? Would understanding help me heal the wounds, scars, and blemishes that lived inside me?